observations ii(a)

one day i folded myself into a form – trimmed my edges, or everything they didn’t want – flavoured myself to an unreal specification

then posted this and found they wanted more

which is how i was trapped year after year – commuting myself into a box – trimmed and partial of all they might abhor – unboundaried thinking and being, the poet, oh and the trans bit as well, vital fuel for this engine

of course medicine made all this worse

i knew i was doing it too, had too, and the balance tipped, harder and harder to remedy it

in part it was clear as i was – and so got totally lost, not least as it hid how so many others were doing the same, a bit, some remedying it better, finding others

all my best bits, a whole problematic, thrived elsewhere, i knew, why i fed them, though lean and hungry at home – i even bored everyone, speaking of a person they just could not see, and they might have thought it my bad faith

here’s funny – they noticed and laughed, petted my head, some poked me to see what would happen and could not understand how my mad partiality protected a heart breathing true, almost alone, with its books and a pen, unwanted, folded and crying it knew

A. H / K. H-H (15th January 2020)

great pottery thrown down

so cry with the eyes for the spirit
that shapes with the hands
makes from the clay
what may be

A. H / K. H-H (13th January 2020)

deception – self deception

because you accept their claim of seniority,
a fact in the gold grab, they’ll say they know
you do not know, you can’t, they do

because they insist
despite how clearly rude it is
whilst taking what you find, twisting it to fit

because communion is rare
this age empowers ignorance
you may be deceived

A. H/ K. H-H (4th January 2020)