asked to forgive what you didn’t understand
no one does no one gets it
the black land of grief
amidst it all, after parting, who got this
a knot inside tightened for years
ambivalent reserve where none would expect it
cut and stitched back up again, witch quackery
for the benefit of whom
no one else quite on your page
it’s taken until the poison’s height
a life time of love
just to see it – love distrusted
little man eaten by shadows

big man puts on his dress
all lightness of touch and care
sometimes a shortcut to feeling
what who where
suddenly keening for all that has been
reversals, mirrors, numb dumb repeating
big man slips away smiling tears
skipping and dancing and being for show
realer and realness reveal
all he’s lacked asked again to forgive
all he’s always been needing,
needing, needing

A. H (8th March 2021)